**Five Minute Friday is an initiative set up by Lisa-Jo Baker over at Surprised by Motherhood. The basic premise is to take the word Lisa-Jo gives and write, non-stop for 5 minutes. Then you stop and post. Read more about it here.
As I go through the last eight weeks until my due date, I am eager to meet the child that I feel I already know and love. I look forward to the day I can hold that child close to me.
But there is a part of me that knows that I will never be able to hold them as close as they are now. While my child is in me, I can nourish and protect it, keep it safe from harm, keep it warm and happy. I can feel its body, feel every movement, every kick and punch and wriggle.
And that little part of me realizes what parenting truly is: it is a long process of letting go. Right from conception, a child grows more and more independent by the day. Within 7-9 months, it no longer needs my body in the same way. And I know that that is just the start. As my child grows up, they learn to be more themselves, to be more independent, to not have need for me in the same way.
And it is my job to help them in that. To love and hold and breathe life into, to pray for and nourish and protect. But to let them go a little bit more everyday.
It is a painful process, perhaps. But it is a beautiful kind of pain. A privileged one. A blessing.
But I still can’t wait to meet our baby and watch them grow into their own person – to find a new kind of close.
I was blessed with a very loving and wonderful childhood. My family cherished and guided me well. I am who I am because of them. Because they let me grow, and they let me go.
And we are closer because of it.
A new kind of close.
I look forward to seeing the other side of all the different kinds of close that are to come – through the eyes of a mother.